Figured it was time to dust off the ol’ keyboard. I should probably disinfect it too, because it seems the internet is only good for porn these days.
Thinking back to my active ewrestling days and beyond… which requires much medication for this A.D.D addled brain, I was thinking about some of the stupidest ideas for matches that I can recall over the years. I cannot guarantee the validity of any of these matches actually happening. Like I said: *points to brain*. But as far as I can recall, they were things that did happen.
3. The hot lava match.
I remember this match causing much ridicule on this website. I can’t recall to what exact context this match was proposed, or who proposed it for that matter, but I do remember that the ring would be surrounded by actual molten rock and apparently would be transported by jars at the end of a net.
Oh yeah, the winner of the match would be the one who successfully causes their opponent to enter the lava.
When asked how they both would avoid bursting into flames while so close to melted earth, it was suggested that they wrestle in “special suits”.
2. The Septic tank match.
One match that still bewilders me to this day.
Ok, this is a septic tank.
To this day, I am still fairly sure the guy that held this match wasn’t fully clear on exactly what a septic tank is.
You see that small opening at the top of the tank, labeled “hatch”. That’s where the two fully grown grapplers were supposed to climb inside and wrestle in festering, rotten, disease ridden raw sewage, which obviously causes numerous other problems. I assumed they enter through the hatch, considering for the sake of this blog that it would actually make more sense for them to be flushed down the toilet and enter the tank through the inlet. I suppose you could cut the top of the tank off, but that just makes things a little too complicated, at least for my mind.
Because he insisted that the match was held INSIDE the tank.
1. The top of the rafters match.
This one makes number 1, because it hold a special place in my heart. Mostly because it was a match commissioned by yours truly. It’s also one of the reasons it was probably a good idea that I stopped running efeds myself.
Running RKW, there was a match between the “man called SyN” and Cham-pain or was it Shane Kai? –Two of the marquee stars in RKW. Long story short, the random no-DQ match ended up in the rafters of the RKW arena. Not so bad, right? Just hang on.
In my mind, for some reason, 500 feet up was a reasonable height for rafters… and for two human bodies to survive falling from. To put it in perspective, the tallest building in Detroit is around 700 feet. 500 feet would be roughly 40 floors. (For those who might be as stupid as I am.)
Not sure what I was thinking back then. Not sure what the roster was thinking when they read that garbage. Probably, I hope, that it was a typo. Neigh, it was no typo. I caused two men to fall from a 40 story drop… and they lived because they landed on a pile of trash. Trash that just happened to be piled up in the middle of the arena for some reason. No problem, right? I mean it was Detroit.
I had a comic book online based on SyN’s character, which I’ve since taken off the net but I do have the archives of the comic, talking about SyN’s injuries.
SyN’s almost supernatural high tolerance for pain can only keep him sedated for so long. He holds his broken leg in pain. Carefully nursing the limb. He stares at it, no cast, nothing but his own hands to set it back in place. The doctors warn him not to stand on it, but this is SyN. Will he listen?
If I remember right, the saving grace was it was meant to send Shane Kai off on a long hiatus and give SyN some new material. I just went a bit overboard.
So that goes to show, even the “brilliant” man you *worship today, used to be a stupid fed-head at one time.
That’s all for tonight! It’s late. I’m tired.