John Cena finally sucks.
John Cena has become less of a wrestler (Sport Entertainer) and more of a spokesman and PR boy for the WWE. All of his speeches have become much less edgy and more like a male cheerleader, who puts over even his biggest foes these days.
He even began sounding like Obama for a while with his soaring and fleeting soap-boxing, sounding exactly like a minister. Cena is a tool, literally a tool now. He has lost all of his originality and his edge that made him popular in the first place. He has been packaged, shelved and distributed as the “promotional monster” and put in the tool section at K-Mart and it doesn’t look like this will ever change back. At least not in our lifetimes.
He brought back the Hulk Hogan babyface of the 80s and that’s not a good thing for us hardcore fans. Because he also brought back the “family friendly” era that Vince originally envisioned for the company. That’s right, this is Cena’s fault. How do I know this? Well, common sense. Cena’s fan base is generally pre-adolescent males and women of all ages. We all know this. Even HHH in usualy form, totally shot on Cena about this in a televised promo. Cena is the flagship of the WWE whether you like it or not. So basically, 2+2=4.
Do you need more evidence of Cena’s toolishness? Here’s a word from Vince himself.
McMahon: We would do two to three theatricals a year. That way you can really key on your projects. And we would maybe do six to seven direct-to-DVD titles as a max. It’s a natural extension to what we do. We have already developed characters for our audience. John Cena’s film “12 Rounds” comes out Friday. He has been built as a character in WWE; he is part of our intellectual property. Here we have a built-in advantage. Nobody else in Hollywood has that. When he goes on “The Tonight Show,” he can talk about WWE and “12 Rounds.” And we can turn our global promotional machine on to promote the film across our various platforms.
Cena is Vince’s promotional bitch and they both know it.
I don’t know, after a couple of years of watching Cena go from “Captain Bluechip” to a fairly popular character, it wasn’t hard to see Cena going to the top. Then somewhere along the way, Cena became a phenomenon. He was edgy, he talked about balls alot, all of his raps ended with someone sucking his penis and his moves all had cool “anti-establishment” names. The “F-U”? It was similar to an “F-5″, but Cena added a cooler name. The “STFU”, stretching it, but still edgy.
Now Cena’s going the way of The Rock. He making shitty movies. Maybe Cena will even luck up and one of these shitty movies will pay off just like Rocky?
Right now, Cena belongs to Vince. Vince wants all the Cena cash, even if it means forcing Cena to do these pieces of shit movies. So we get what looks to be a sequel of “The Marine“. Cena pisses off some super evil, brilliant bad guy. Cena’s woman gets kidnapped. Cena spends the duration of the movie barely escaping exploding shit.
That’s what this series of Cena-crap should be titled. “CENA ESCAPES EXPLOSION PART 2″.
In “The Marine” which I did watch, I think Cena leaped from no less than 3 exploding buildings. His hair wasn’t even singed. He gets up, dusts his shoulders off, waves his hand in front of his face and then saves the girl and kills the bad guy. I haven’t watched “12 rounds” so I don’t know if this is a spoiler or not.
I mean look at this “The Marine” box art. He has a freaking explosion in his stomach.
Stupid Cena. I think he should change the titles of his movies, so people aren’t tricked into false advetising.
The action!
The suspense!
WILL HE EXACPE THIS EXPLOSION???? (Yup)
Cena did it again! He escaped another explosion. Being I spent maybe 2 minutes searching for these pics, I reckon there will be a SHITFEST of explosions in this movie. And guess who’ll be barely making it out alive, yet strangely uninjured?
Yep. Cena.
Ok, there’s no conclusion. I just had this to get off my chest. So bye.
(My bad about all the typos, lol. I was kinda drunk. Ok, REALLY drunk)
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11 comments
Kut on April 4, 2009 at 1:26 am
I’m sorry. I was pretty toasted while posting this. Still am really.
John Cena finally sucks. | WWE Fan on April 4, 2009 at 4:54 am
[...] post by RoughKut: Fantasy Wrestling and eWrestling resources, blogs, efeds [...]
Johnny Knesko on April 7, 2009 at 11:55 am
It’s funny because it’s true.
Then again, I’ve always hated Cena; one of the many embarrassments that lurks in the WWE.
Judging from pure WM performance, and putting politics aside, Ricky Steamboat can wrestle Cena out of a paper bag.
Richy on April 8, 2009 at 3:12 am
Another great blog :]
But….Why is there a picture of John Cena holding a goat?
Kut on April 9, 2009 at 1:23 am
Cena’s holding a goat because it’s the source of his powers.
I don’t know dude. It’s just a really creepy f’n pic, kinda sums up how I feel about Cena- Completely asinine and off topic.
It could also be a ‘shopped photo. But I think Cena is a hillbilly at heart. Maybe that’s his woman?
DT on May 7, 2009 at 6:17 am
When it comes right down to it, Cena will be remembered for carrying the WWE through and out of a really rough time in its history.
Of course he’s not the greatest technical wrestler in the world. However, his timing/showmanship/poise in the face of complete hatred from the crowd is amazing. Most people would crack under that pressure. And just think, he’s been on top for almost four years now non-stop, and it’s been all built around him. Austin certainly didn’t last that long on top.
I’m not saying we should love the guy, but he’s the most important guy in the WWE right now.
Kut on May 7, 2009 at 11:47 am
Yup
Ihab on May 8, 2009 at 9:37 am
I seriously dislike Cena acting like a wannabe \Marine\… Lets say Wannabe Soldier.. I dont like his promos and all the speeches he gives. But the fact is Cena has been on top since 5 years INSPITE of crowd booing him and cheering the heel.
Kut on May 8, 2009 at 10:30 am
Of course. I’m not debating Cena’s spot. I’m talking about how much his character has started to suck over the years.
Tyrrell on May 14, 2009 at 11:46 am
LMAO
This blog made me laugh.
Kut on May 15, 2009 at 12:20 am
I sure hope that’s a compliment. Else I might literally cry.