Test In Peace…

Wrestler Test (Andrew Martin), dead at 33. Not much older than myself. Only a couple of years to be exact.

I’m going to do something that you won’t find on most wrestling sites. I’m going to be honest- take it or leave it.

I don’t and probably won’t miss Test. I don’t feel all that bad about his death. I don’t really feel anything at all about this. I am 100% apathetic. (Save the ‘pathetic’ jokes) I do have a sense of pity for someone dying so very young. However death isn’t a subject that sends fear into my heart.

After reading a few words from different weighty names in the business, I have figured out that Test had a drug problem. Not that I didn’t know this already. But- EVERYONE is bringing it up. Even the eulogy type of comments.

I mean, this knowledge is more common than Nash being a lazy c*nt (Thanks Honky!) So did drugs kill Test? Who knows yet. They may or may not be very open with this, but I find it hard to believe that a man built like Test just died of natural causes.

There’s a running joke (My joke) about wrestlers dying of an overdose of heart-attack. That’s what we’ll likely hear in a few days. He died of a heart attack. Like a fucking 33 year old man, built like a horse (and the subtle appearance of one), just randomly passes away.

I know I’m not going to make any friends with this line of talk, but it’s how I feel. I’m honestly not trying to poke fun at someone who recently died or make light of it. But I’m not mourning for him. I’ll leave that to his friends and family and Kellyx2 who was apparently in love with the guy.

The good news here is that Test has a lot in common with Jesus. They both died at 33. It would make one hell of a storyline if  Test rose from the grave, I reckon. The bad news is, I’m not going to go the route of the folks who will ultimately blame Test for his own demise. I blame wrestling.

No other “sport” has this kind of baggage. There’s tons of drugs and steroids in other sports, especially baseball. Hell in baseball, there’s almost as much travel involved.  You don’t see baseball players being found dead in their hotel rooms in any case. In wrestling, you find some young person dying in some fucked up situation almost monthly. So what else is to blame?

It’s gotta be the lifestyle of wrestlers. It’s been constantly called a fraternity, I imagine “Animal House- the hell version”. What must go on in the back halls of these arenas? I’ve been there on a very low level. There’s surely an unmatched fellowship, but they weren’t sniffing crack off each other’s asses. Drugs weren’t brought up at all. Of course, you’ll hear that drugs are a “private thing” in many documentaries.

Oh well, we lost another one. The immense list of “under 50″ has gotten pretty outrageous. My last count was 60+ and that was years ago. I don’t even know what the count is now. It’s gotta be in the 80s.

Rest in peace, Test. I hope you went up. They can pretty much start a new wrestling federation in heaven by now. It would be filled with mid-carders and cast-offs, but I’d watch.

Rating gets Smacked down!

Damn, Smackdown got a 1.9! That’s TNA numbers! I have been enjoying WWE TV again, so I must imagine that people are just finding other things to do. There’s some exciting things going on in the WWE. Randy Orton, Christian’s impressive comeback matches, uh… Jericho beating up the elderly. So hopefully, this is just a glitch. The WWE may have some pull with networks, but they aren’t exempt from getting thrown off the air.

The funny thing is there’s word that Vince went ape-shit backstage when learning this news. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I assume he was kicking a few Stans around and knocking over random props.

Commercial break…

Doesn’t Double J have the most fabulous locks you’ve ever laid your eyes on?

Back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Reid Fliehr follows in pop’s footsteps

No, he didn’t win a championship of any consequence. He got arrested for a DUI.

Well, technically “driving while impaired” but I highly doubt they pull people over for roid rage. I guess he’s going to follow in daddy’s footsteps one way or the other. He also got nipped for assault a couple years ago. Rick should be proud! His boy is going in the family business of being a fucking  maniac outside of the ring.

Check this out: There’s a special term for being so drunk that you instantly lose your shit. It’s called “Ric Flair drunk” lol

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ric%20flair%20drunk

Call me crazy,  Flair’s a great wrestler but I wasn’t the biggest fan of his, but I give him his due. I dunno, to me, it seems like you should be an example outside of the ring as well.

It’s hard to look up to a guy who has a rep for being a violent, drunken lunatic, especially behind the wheel of a car. With that drunken lady killing those four teens this past week, people were calling for her blood. The Flairs seem to get a free pass.

I can’t really find anything dealing with Ric Flair’s DUI, so maybe it was just a rumor. So take it for what it’s worth. I know I’m not imagining hearing about it, but don’t spread it around unless you know for sure. But there are rampant rumors about Flair being a friend of the bottle. Even accusing him of drinking before his matches. Rumors, rumors, rumors, eh?

I repeat, I have NO proof Flair was pulled for a DUI. I’ve just heard this more than once.

John Cena beats WATER! No word on an arrest.

There’s some weird story making the rounds about John Cena “abusing water”, whatever that means. I guess he takes too many showers or something. Maybe he gargles just a bit too long? Or maybe even water “can’t see him”. Even water lays down for Cena.

There is an article on John Cena

at TampaBay.com, listing him as one of the biggest water abusers in the entire Tampa Bay area, while the region is currently dealing with a drought – noting he lives in a mansion in Land O’Lakes.

I didn’t know Cena lived in butter. That came as a nice surprise.

I keep screwing up my post.Everything keeps dissapearing after this god damn blockquote. So I’ll have to end here.

Actually, after a few beers,. I do have one more thing to talk about!+EDIT+

THE ROCK SUCKS.

I refuse to call him by his so-called birth name. Why? Because he’s a bitch, that’s why.

I talked about how Cena “dissed” The Rock in some interview in another K&P, but Cena’s a tool. He probably only said anything because he was asked or forced to do the job, like most tools.

I’m gonna keep it real!

The Rock SUCKS! Am I jealous? Maybe. I wouldn’t mind being a number one selling action star who happens to be handsome with a winning smile. But I’m NOT, so I’m going to fucking complain about how much he sucks.

This asshole jumps on his family’s bandwagon and does a terrible job of being a pro-wrestler. The Rock used to be like Dolf Ziggler, without the charm. Then one day, he either sold his soul to Satan or just came out of his shell and became one of the most charasmatic wrestlers in history.

He was right on par with Austin. This is why the 1990s will forever be the greatest decade in human history. Not because of the economic boom, the internet bubble, the shitload of great music, or even the death of The Noid. It was because The Rock and The Austin were at the top of their game and bringing pro-wrestling back to a point where it seemed like it would NEVER deflate again.

Then The Rock decided, hey, I’m young, I got some momentum from my horrible acting job in “The Mummy”. I’m gonna make a shit-ton more movies with “The” in the title and then a bunch more movies with two words in the title and quit pro-wrestling. We were DUMPED. He literally sat on a toilet and took a steaming crap on us.

Was he smart? I say yes. Very smart. He’s never really suffered a real injury in pro-wrestling that I’m aware of. The biggest injury I’ve seen him suffer was “dehydration” or something like that. He got out while he could capitalize on his career unlike any other star, ever. Don’t give me that Hulk Hogan shit either. Name ONE movie where Hulk Hogan wasn’t “Hulk Hogan” in a dress or “Hulk Hogan” with a different name or some stupud shit. Any movie I’ve seen Hogan appear in, he was still the same snarling, lumbering oaf that he always was and always will be. Roddy Piper had a more convincing movie career. As well as Jesse the Body.

My beef with The Rock is that he completely divorced us. He reportedly won’t even do a match anymore. He’ll only show up if it means plugging his next stupid fucking movie or being inducted in the hall of fame. Vince has to literally BUY The Rock’s almighty presence to bother to show up where he was MADE. Vince created his ass, and as you know from my “You love Vince” article, I respect Vince. I however find it hard to respect The Rocvk.

The Rock reminds me of a man who is a nobody, then he meets a girl who helps him go to school, pays his bills, raises his kids while he becomes a millionaire and then when he finally buys his dream yacht, he leave his wife for the secretary with the huge boobs who he just met.

I feel really abandoned by The Rock. Maybne I’m taking this too hard, maybe I need some counseling or something, but I think he’s a piece of shit for the way he’s going about this.

But mark my words… he’ll be back. Just like every other dried up action hero, think: Segal, Van Dam. He’ll come back one day. And he’ll get one hell of an ovation. And when he does, I’ll have a new husband.

I l;eave you with The Rock, whoring himself out in a dance with Justin Tendercakes.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWX9nwTH00g

The Rock, once a mega-charasmatic superstar, now seems to be a canned, processed and wrapped in cellophane whore. His winning smile now seems so robotic and molded by a toy maker, it’s sickening.

(Come back Rocky)

I’m going back to my beers.

Cheerio,

Kut

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Andrew Martin, Pro Wrestling