You love Vince and here’s why.

When the name Vince McMahon is mentioned, you’d think he was the most vile, inhuman, disgusting, worthless piece of crap ever to wobble, clumsily down a steel ramp.

Well, I beg to differ. I don’t consider myself a Vince “Yes Man”, nor would I ever place these lips on his red, buffed and “cream moistened” ass either. I’d never allow Vince to take my dignity for a chance to be a star, unlike many, many men have– only cold, hard cash.

photo credit: Whiskey Digital™

I have to disagree with the Vince haters. I think he’s the best bread since sliced things, and dare say, I respect him. I mean this too. Sure, he’s no saint. He’ll never be in the line up for the next pope– But I don’t think he’d be a Priest either, if you smell what  The Kut is cookin’.

Let’s start with his record:

1. He’s squeaky clean… for the most part.

There’s been law-suits, there’s been steroid trials, there’s even been accusations of sexual harassment by former referees. Gladly, she was a female ref. Sable (Rena Mero) also brought charges against Vince. (Sable was re-hired not long after this, oddly) Vince seems to always get away Scott-free, not even a single day in prison.

The steroid trial was said to have caused the meltdown of the Hogan-led golden years of pro-wrestling and gave a boost to the Turner owned WCW. Hogan going to WCW didn’t help much either. Vince not only avoided jail time, but re-built his company back to the top of the world, killing any real competition in the process.

But all these details aside; we’ve had how long? 30 years to find Vince mixed up in a career ending scandal? That’s a long time for a man who is as despised and well known as Vince McMahon to avoid falling victim to the media. My thinking is; he doesn’t do anything that is really that bad– At least not out of the ordinary.

Sure, he might stare down a chick at an airport now and then, freaking her out. Maybe he even has sex with divas? Who knows? Point is: he’s obviously human, flaws included. However he’s not a scum-bag. How can he be? Wouldn’t it be logical that by now, out of the hundreds of people that have left the WWE with a bad taste in their mouths,  someone might have exposed him?  There by letting us know that the bad taste in their mouths was Vince himself; namely his grapefruits. It should seem like someone would have exposed Vince in a “tell all” book. Is there nothing really to tell? I think so.

2. He gave us the wrestling we love

Without Vince, we’d probably still be searching for wrestling programming at 4 am, squinting through the shitty production and pretending we love it. There would be no pyrotechnics, no 50 foot titan-trons, no massively over-produced entrance themes. I doubt if wrestling would even still exist outside of small time indies, especially after the death of kayfabe which would have come with or without Vince’s help.

There was a time when wrestling was treated as “real” and the carny atmosphere was plodding along with the times. Vince woke us up, he told us over and over that it’s not a sport and never has been. He knew that it was time to repackage wrestling as a form of entertainment and it worked!

Vince, while working under his father, made brilliant advances in syndication and grew the WWE into a mainstream success.

Sure, people like to say that Vince turned his back on tradition when he stomped all over the small, regional territories but Vince wasn’t just stealing– not blatantly. He had a different vision for pro-wrestling.  He wanted to go in a completely different direction, and his vision turned out to be the right one when the dust settled.

I know there’s a few fanboys who would rather watch Puroresu or Lucha or those garbage indy matches where the guys kill themselves for a few dollars. My money says that those wouldn’t even be readily available, or as popular if not for Vince’s vision. I think most of them are just being non-conformists and will watch anything that’s not attached to the WWE.

3. He’s one of the boys

Yeah, I said it.

Sure we get subjected to things like; Triple Haitch making sweet love to a dead woman.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLpI6St8Huc

We get to see Vince surgically removing hilarious objects from Jim Ross‘ ample buttocks (while he was legit getting tested for … ass cancer… or something at the time).

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTrVZWkP0sY

We even saw an 80+ year old woman give still birth to a slimy hand, whose father was a 400 pound black man.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkDKu9YDcow

Even tho Mae won some points before this, when she so gleefully announced: “I’M PREGNAANT!” The only thing that saved this still pointless segment was everyone clapping after Patterson makes the greatest joke in the history of jokes. “Let’s give her a hand!”

We even got to see that same 80 year old woman’s naked breasts.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VaOtjXDWD8

Well… I never did bother to find out if the breasts were fake, but they were either real or someone glued a couple of wet socks with oranges in them to her chest.

I almost forgot the point of all of this.

My point is, while we’ve seen some of the worst things happen to people on WWE television, but who is the man that leads the pack in humilating segements? Vince, that’s who!

We spent a good 3 years watching Vince get constantly one upped by Steve Austin, who once made Vince piss on himself. I for one think Vince is dedicated enough that this was actually real urine.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXJ2Qi4bJYA

We’ve seen Vince subjected to all kinds of humilation from showing off his ass cheeks, to getting his head shaved to being accused by Triple Haitch of “loving Cock” and having sex with a woman who Vince thought was a man. Vince has even had his face shoved into the ass of the Big Show and lord knows that makes up for ANYTHING he’s done to anyone else.

Vince appears to be willing not only to do what his roster does, but do it much, much worse. You never saw Vince diving off  Titan-trons like his equally impressive son, Shane, but at Vince’s age he’s taken some major bumps over the years. Vince most recently allowed Randy Orton to kick him in the temple just to give him an excuse to leave television for a while. The fans complained for years about being over-saturated with Vince and since then Vince has done his best to stay away from TV. He staged an explosion where he “died”, and it was so convincing that even some news outlets ran the story as real. Of course Vince had to quickly come back to life when Chirs Benoit went bat-shit crazy on his family and make some PR appearances.

We had to deal with Vince for a long time in the post Austin era, but how much of this time was Vince putting himself over? Not much.

Historically, Vince never wanted to be in the limelight- Reportedly, values his father instilled in him as a promoter. Even when the WWF was young but massive, he still lowered himself to being a ring announcer. Then he graduated to a play-by-play guy– he was only exposed as the owner of the company when Bret Hart went all …”Bret Hart”… on Vince (which is basically being a enormous vagina) and slapped and spit in Vince’s face during a broadcast… All during the time of the famous Montreal Screw Job. Oddly enough, it was leaked that Vince was the owner at some point before this because my uncle, who is not a wrestling fan, told me years before the Bret incident. However, Vince did a good job of keeping it under wraps that he owned the place. It wasn’t common knowledge until that fateful day in Canada.

Its also worth noting that Vince has only been the champ of his company twice. Once as the “WWE” champ and once as the ECW champ. That’s interesting for a man who so many claim is only looking out for himself.

Which leads me into the next point.

4. Vince works harder than anyone else

Vince worked his way up, literally from the bottom. When he began working with his father, Vince wasn’t handed a golden ticket. Vince went to college, worked from the bottom up, starting as a salesman then slowly helping his father build this dynasty. He doesn’t treat his kids any different, both Shane and Steph have worked their way up from the bottom of the rung. Shane was said to be a ring boy at one time. Probably the highest paid ring boy in history, but still he set up fucking rings.

I have to imagine Vince’s schedule to be extremely hectic and stressful. Unlike his wrestlers who only have to travel, wrestle and maybe do a few autograph signings (and photo shoots for the more successful), Vince must be always on the move.

Vince does what his boys do and then some, and then some more after that.  For one, he’s the chairman of a publicly traded company. He must have meetings on a regular basis because he has to answer to the stock holders.

He’s a businessman as well. He doesn’t just deal with the WWE alone, he owns a whole entertainment dynasty. He’s pushing everything from clothes to music to movies and countless other endeavors. He’s constantly trying new things as well, such as the forgettable XFL, his failed body building thing as well.

You can’t say that Vince is just looking out for himself either. He did manage on several occasions to have friendly dealings with other promotions such as the USWA and the original ECW. It’s not really his fault that these things didn’t pan out. Vince has also had relationships with wrestling promotions in Japan.

Its just a part of the game that Vince tends to end up killing and buying up his competition. If they stayed successful then Vince wouldn’t be able to buy them.

5. He’s a Philanthropist

I’m most proud of this point because it took me so long to figure out how to spell philanthropist. I mean, Google doesn’t help much if you can’t even come close to the correct spelling. Then Phalanthropist seemed to do the trick, but it had no definition. I was starting to think I made the word up. But I’ve heard it attached to good people so many times, it must have been something good.

And yes, Vinnie Mac is a philanthropist indeed!

How can you say otherwise when the man dedicates an entire show to the troops each year? He has been taking his entire show to Iraq each year since we went to war. Vince even changed his show’s title from “RAW IS WAR” to just plain Raw out of respect.

Vince had led numerous charitable ventures over the years. There was a bunch of kids at the last Wrestlemania doing stuff, I think they were handicapped or something. That fat chick from the Cosby Show was there and everything!

There’s the many “Make a Wish” wishes that Vince has granted. Vince just doesn’t work charities for show and tax deductions, he’s done a lot of work with the Special Olympics and different charities that he doesn’t promote on his show. I understand that he even has a daycare center at Titan Towers.

Being a former retarded person himself, Vince has reason to be so generous with his millions. Vince has been said to have overcome Dyslexia and and A.D.D. He’s a survivor of child abuse and an overall shitty childhood by anyone’s standards.

So maybe after this long winded diatribe, you’ll see Vince in a different light. He might be a little hard on his talent, but he’s extra hard on himself too. He pushes everyone to their limit and expects nothing but the best. Who can say that’s a bad thing?

Vince has made people very wealthy who would otherwise have done nothing with their lives. He’s employed and given second chances to people that have publicly screwed him over.

I’ m sure someone could muster up some bad things to say about Vince, but does the bad really outweigh the good when you put them on a scale?

I say there’s no chance in hell.

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Pro Wrestling, Vince McMahon