Let’s hear it for the loser! For perhaps the majority of pro-wrestling history, there was one person whose job it was to make the big boys look good. That’s your average “enhancement talent” or better known as ‘jobber’. Before recent times when every show is a PPV caliber event, you had shows that featured a main event or mid card status wrestler being fed a nameless, featureless joe who didn’t have a shot in hell… and we knew it. This isn’t about them. This is about the select few jabronies who managed to stand out and in most cases get popular… and still lose.

We’re talking about the JTTS level jobbers.

5. Lanny Poffo

It’s funny, when I was researching this column I didn’t remember Lanny Poffo as a jobber. Mainly because I liked him. He was high flyin’ before we cared about high flying wrestlers. He did the “Senton” bomb decades before Jeff Hearty and he was doing moonsaults when they were called… earth.. saults? Because we didn’t even land on the moon yet! I guess I just made that up. Lanny also made popular a spring board plancha right in the middle of the ropes.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4jD4OWncQs

Anyways, Lanny was awesome to me back in the day. We got a cool little poem, a Frisbee and some of the most technical matches to ever grace the industry. He took bumps like no other wrestler of his time.  Not to mention, one hell of a jewfro for a while. Yes, Lanny is part Jewish, born to a Jewish mother. He’s also part Canadian, but who’s perfect?

I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Poffo when I worked a show in Canada. Too my deep shame, I didn’t even recognize him and I might have even insulted him by this. It’s not MY fault! He didn’t even have his signature beard, it was shaved. He didn’t have his jewfro either. He didn’t have his Frisbee or his graduation gown and cap! ‘I’ should be the one that was insulted!

Either way, he was nice, kind to talk to and had a very shiny chin. The reason he’s so high on the list is because I never thought of him as a jobber. But most people do.

Here’s a video of Lanny’s hall of fame father, Angelo Poffo who was very happy that the record holder of the most consecutive sit ups DIED of a abdomen rupture so he could beat the record and keep it! What a man!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xms7qi26E9k&start=20

(Started 20 seconds in)

I guess I need to mention Lanny’s more famous brother, Macho Poffo. lol Randy Savage is one of the most well known wrestling figures next to Hogan, because usually when some ignorant non-fan mocks… I mean quotes a wrestler they tend to say something like “OHHH YEAH BROTHER!” Confusing Macho Man and Hulk Hogan.

I’m not going to lie and say I was never  Macho Man fan, but lately with him being unemployed and his constant obsession with calling Hogan out in video tapes in a gym filled with non-existent girls and even a RAP ALBUM (about calling out Hogan), I have to say the fire is gone.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzFC0RcefS8

Now Lanny is settled down into a respectable career of singing to children. I don’t mean that in a creepy way.

4. Funaki

Here we have Smackdown’s numma won announcah, Funaki who now goes by “KUNG” Funaki in a lame joke turned into a new gimmick.

Funaki is high on this list because he doesn’t lose that much- for a jobber that is. He has some wins under his belt and he was once treated as serious talent. Now he’s basically fed to people for squash matches.

Under his new gimmick, he’s been impressive in the ring. Even winning a few. But his wins are treated as humorous upsets.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecw6hZPArFY

Starting as a member of Kai En tai, (Remember the guys who were going to choppy choppy Val’s pee pee?), Funaki is the real nugget who just won’t flush. Because people love the little guy! He can do no wrong. Funaki has survived an influx and now a lack of Japanese stars in the WWE.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HESwCwUhO1E

3. Tommy Dreamer.

Get over it. He’s a jobber.

He’s ALWAYS been a jobber, even back in the ‘real’ ECW. He never wanted to be a champion, according to his own words. While I don’t particularly buy that line of bullshit because that’s the same as saying “I don’t want a big pay day”, Tommy Dreamer is frequently called the “Heart and Soul” of ECW.

He became well known for taking beatings in ECW. Such as asking for another strike from a Singapore cane. This followed him over to the Dubya briefly when he faced the Big Show.

Some have chosen to remember Tommy as a former World ECW Champion, and he’s been referred to as this on WWE before. However, he held the championship only once and for only a half hour, losing the belt in his next match that night.

As far as I’m concerned he’s been real lucky to have such a high profile job AND last this long. He looks like someone who was sitting in the crowd who happened to be slightly muscular. This is further backed by his decision to only wear the company t-shirt as his wrestling gear. Well, not ONLY a t-shirt. He does wear those fatty sweat pants too.

He looks like a jobber, dresses like a jobber and acts like a jobber and now he’s treated like a jobber in the WWE. But for some reason, you still love the guy. Not that he’s very interesting, but there’s something about him that keeps him employed and his presence is still felt to this day.

Kudos, Tommy Dreamer,  for somehow being able to last even through the firing of 85 employees and wrestlers this past week.

2. Val Venis

Speaking of firings, I am NOT happy about this one. Many of my readers over the years know that I am a legit Val Venis fan. I do admit that he dropped the ball big time in the past few years. He used to be very reminiscent of Rick Rude at one time. He was muscular, had a set of abs that would make John Morrison look amateur and he had a great set of chops and some of the best promos of his time.

Now, he kind of looks like an old guy that hangs around high schools in an unmarked van.

You can’t fully blame Venis for his epic change in appearance. He has had numerous injuries, including some gym equipment falling on him in Australia. He’s also had some bone spurts from riding his motorcycle as well. This could be why he lost so much muscle tone and eventually went from being a fairly prominent winning competitor, to a JTTS.

He’s still fairly new to the WWE. He debuted in 1998, and in that short time between then and 2003 he became mostly a jobber.

Another level of Val’s sad story is my arch nemesis, Edge. The guy that singlehandedly  rocked the business when he stole Matt Hardy’s girl at the time, Lita, started jacking himself up on steroids which was exposed by the spouse whom he cheated on, who just happened to be Val’s sister. Yup, for those who don’t know,. Val might not only be a victim of numerous injuries but also a puppet in backstage politics. Not only is Edge a scum bag for yelling at me at an autograph signing, but he might be behind the downfall of my hero.

Really, how else could you explain such a heavily used star, who at one time began a feud with Steve Austin and Mick Foley to being described as “Maybe a good tag partner” by Jim Ross in his BBQ blog?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwHGtMIPe1Q

Well, goodbye by friend. I hope that you might lose that spare tire one day and return.

1. The Brooklyn Brawler

I didn’t want to pick someone so obvious for the #1 spot, but how can you deny The Brawler his due?

It’s been a rumor for sometime that The Brawler is openly gay and is or was Pat Patterson’s boyfriend. Which is why he’s been able to maintain his job for so long because of Patterson’s friendship with McMahon. We all know that gay is the new straight… at least according to network and reality television shows. But somehow, the thought of a fat, middle aged filthy jobber taking it in the rear from a 70 year old man just goes way beyond the realms of comprehensible disgust. But love knows no age… and is blind (More like gouged it’s eyeballs out for this one).

He’s also the original “MVP” Most Violent Player. He’s played numerous roles in the WWE, baseball guys, he’s been a number of masked wrestlers like Doink for a while, even Kimchee’s handler. Mostly, he’s just “The Brawler” in a different costume.

Not much back story to BB can be found. He’s just plainly, the most well known jobber in professional wrestling. He, like most other jobbers did manage to win now and then but it was only for storyline purposes as a joke when it happened. It was very rare that he won a legit match in the WWE.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTQ89ZWJpYk

Like what you saw? Bookmark me!

Related Posts

1. I just kicked STAN!
2. Randy Orton Flop
3. Worst flop EVER!
4. The Rock has a small strudel (and is apparently a ‘flaming’ hot star) ++Updated
5. Kut & pasted News 25 – Smart Wrestlers

Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!

jobbers, Lanny Poffo, Pro Wrestling