Punk Diaries

Jan 06, 2009 in lolwrestling by Kut

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Hi, I’m CM Punk. I live the straight Edge life. This means I am better than you. Well, technically I win by default because I am unable to move my lips and I don’t really have a digestive system due to manufacter limitations.

I’m also unable to do my crossed arm pose for this photo op, but I’m sure you get the idea. I can’t really be upset, because this is my first real run as being an official brand toy. They will improve me on the next batch, I hope.

Anyways, welcome to my diary entry for today. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed living it.

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Today, I went to the grocery store and learned some alarming news. This might just change my life and yours.

10:00 am: Went to the local grocer to buy my favorite beverage and there was something different, something disturbing. It seems they have tampered with my favorite brand symbol, the source of my power. The fire that burns deep inside my soul. Now my soul has been shattered.

: NOOOOOOOOOOOOooOOOOO!

Those savages! How dare they vandalize my very spirit, my chi?

It’s all wrong! It’s not the same! It doesn’t say the same thing anymore! What the FUCK IS THIS?

But, my arm… I’ve permanently burned a shrine to it’s beauty in my flesh! It’s all wrong now! It’s all wrong! WHY?

11:25: am I spent the majority of my morning sobbing gently into my hands. The memories. They are all I have left. My pain is indescribable. My saddness has pierced my heart and I don’t know what to do.

: I know, I’ll drink a little green tea. That’ll cheer me up!

12:00 pm: The green tea tasted sour… it used to be so sweet. So sweet. My pain is growing by the second. I feel like I’m slipping into insanity. I must alleviate my pain. I must try something. Anything!

12:15 pm: There’s some beer left in that bottle. I shouldn’t. But my pain is crippling me. I don’t know what else to do. I feel I have no choice. Sure, this brand seems a little gay but that’s all that is around. Hey… not bad. It tastes good.

12:18 pm: Whoa.. what a rush. My mind is spinning. My fears have been calmed and the storm seems to be slowly subsiding. But the hurt is still strong. …So is this stuff.

12:22 pm: The boys left some of this stuff behind in the locker room. I was going to sprinkle it back into nature where it came from, but… so tempting. I think they do it like this, right?