Top 15 stupid wrestler names part 2

Dec 14, 2008 in Kut and Pasted News, lolwrestling by Kut

9. Chicken Neck

That’s his name, Chicken neck. Apparently not much else is known about this guy. He doesn’t have an alias, a background just a delicious name. His weight was billed as $2.59 per pound. His hometown was Perdue Farm in Salisbury, Maryland and he looked much more like a woodpecker or Robin than a Chicken. Heh, I said wood pecker.

8. Hard Boiled Haggerty

The first thing you think of when you hear “hard boiled”. Yep, one tough son of a bitch. One tough egg to crack.

Despite the fact that he looks like Humpty Dumpty, he was a champion in his time. Even though most of his title runs were short, he’s even listed as beating Killer Kowalski. He’s a former Detroit Lion as well– Even thought he actually made something out of his life and unlike most other Detroit Lions. He won stuff. He’s a multi-time champ and even a TV and film star- including appearances on Get Smart, Starsky and Hutch, Happy Days, The Love Boat and The Incredible Hulk.

7. Justin Credible

It’s not so much that I hate his ring name; I can’t even pin-point why I dislike this name so much. Maybe it’s just him. His image, his personality, his stupid ass catch phrase… He’s also one of the very few people Tommy Dreamer has beaten in his career. I don’t know. Maybe you like the stupid pun that his name contains; I just think it’s pretentious. I see him running around after getting his name saying “YOU GET IT??”.

His career is pretty impressive for his level of talent. He’s worked with the WWE numerous times as jobbers and real working wrestlers. He actually seemed to have some pull back in the day. He asked for his released at one time, feeling he was underutilized. He was REFUSED his request, but instead sent to a farm fed and forced to not sign with WCW, which was kicking ass at the time. His pull went a step farther when Kevin Nash decided to mentor him when the “kliq” was on top of the world.

6. Lobsterman

His name wouldn’t be so stupid if he didn’t literally wear fake claws on his hands to the ring.

He’s done some work for the WWE, small work like commercials according to his website. I don’t know what the dog is about but that isn’t the oddest thing about this guy…

He ran for president

According to his website, he actually ran for the highest office in the US. I’m not sure how seriously he took this, because I can’t view the video for whatever reason. http://extras.lowellsun.com/Broadcaster/media/lobsterman.htm It seems that it was taken seriously from what I’ve seen. Even getting some attention from MTV.

By all accounts I can find, he seems to be a respected wrestler among the ranks of the Canadian scene and some indies.

5. Montel Vontavious Porter

Moving in to more recent times and mostly in the WWE, we have Montel Vontavious Porter or as they intended “MVP”. He’s a “sports player” gimmick, get it? Yeah, unfortunately we get it. My 9 year old son just walked up and read the screen and said “MVP is boring”. I can’t say I totally agree with him, but I do hate his name. Just like Justin Credible’s name, I just don’t like punny names, especially when they have to be stretched like this one to fit.

MVP earned his respect by beating Chris Benoit (Pre-murder- suicide of course) in a best out of three and ever since we looked for him to shoot to the moon. Didn’t quite work out like that. Since then he’s been treated like nothing more than a side-show. He brags about how much of a winner he is, then he loses over and over. In fact he’s been on quite the hilarious losing streak since August of this year. He’s approaching or surpassed 18 straight loses as of now. Good news for him is he’d make a great Detroit Lion.

It’s a tragic story, such a good talent. Such a keen talker. But either we’re being set up to love his failures or he pissed somebody off somewhere. I can’t see him doing anything but ending up joining the future endeavors club. Unless something happens and soon, they aren’t doing anything to build his career for the long haul.

4. Neighborhoodie

Guess who?! Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo yo. Yo? Yoooooooo. That’s right, our lovable stereotype right out of a modern blaxploitation film- JTG (Just that Gangsta)- used to be known as “Neighborhoodie” in OVW. I don’t follow OVW, so I don’t know anything about this gimmick of his. I have to imagine it’s not much different from… JTG, just with a much stupider name.

I am not angry at Vince about Cryme Tyme for its obvious mockery of black youth, because hey… he warned us about it in the form of FBI type warnings before Cryme Tyme’s vignettes where they basically just robbed white dudes.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpYWxH31JLg

These vignettes don’t show the much more serious disclaimer that warned us that Cryme Tyme would basically be offensive to all black people. If anyone can find a video of this, I’d be one happy puppy. I just don’t have the patience to sift through YouTube for it. I did find the transcript of it:

Tonight a new tag team, Cryme Tyme, will be introduced to the RAW audience. In an effort to humor and entertain our fans the tag team known as Cryme Tyme will be parodying racial stereotypes.

Shad Gaspard and JTG do outlandish, outrageous “stunts” to ready themselves for tag team action on RAW. This attempt at Saturday Night Live like humor is bound to entertain audiences of all ethnic derivations.

We hope you enjoy the weekly adventures of Cryme Tyme.

I’m not miffed at Vince because I don’t think Vince is a racist at all. Can’t say the same about Michael Hayes, however. Vince was giving pretty big shots to black wrestlers back when it was fairly unpopular to do. Taking from Bill Watts, who gave major titles to blacks, Vince took in the Junk Yard Dog, Ron Simmons and has since given major slots in his company to black wrestlers.

The question, I don’t think, is Vince’s racial tolerance, but his lack of morals. I think Vince will do ANYTHING to get attention and he’ll do it to anyone, no matter what race you are.

Missing from Wiki and my other sources for information was the rumored reason for the release of Cryme Tyme. According to what I read, they were released from the WWE because they did a finishing move on a ref and tried to auction off his belt and other items to the crowd. Of course, this wasn’t scripted and I can’t remember the other details. Something about the ref ending the match unannounced to Cryme Tyme and they took revenge into their own hands which is a no-no.

3. Razor Blue Steel

Wish I could find anything about this wrestling name. I believe it was an alias of Rick Steel, who I also don’t know anything about. I imagine him coming to the ring dressed as a big blue shaving device.

2. The All American, American Jack Swagger.

He’s here in number two for a plethora of reasons. The economy went to shit, wrestlers are being released by the week and Vince is cost cutting to keep his limo gassed up and we end up with this piece of crap in 2008. I’m not really sure what he did to impress someone but he’s damn sure not doing it since he debuted in the WWE. Sure his college record is great, he’s probably a good athlete but what the fuck does this have to do with pro-wrestling? He has a career record of no loses. Well, you’d have to ignore a dark match loss to William Regal. But he was 62-0 before that. His undefeated streak goes on and I’d like someone to explain why. He’s like a total package of suck.

He smiles… and points to it.

He’s “gumpy”.

He talks with a god damn lisp. Is there ANYONE in HISTORY taken seriously with a lisp??

His name has American twice! FOR NO REASON!

If Vince is looking to replace Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar, then he’s barking up the wrong damn tree.

1. Dolph Ziggler

W? T? F? Sums this guy up. If anyone can find a single trait of this guy that explains why we’re wasting precious time and energy on him, you win an internet. He spends weeks introducing himself. Gets a 30 day vacation for snorting dope or roids or whatever, comes back continues to introduce himself… even during and after his matches.

His gear is stupid. His hair is stupid. His gimmick is stupid. His name is stupid. His theme is stupid. His catch phrase is stupid and his dog is stupid. So what do you think Vince thinks about the fans for forcing him upon us?

If I remember right, this was the Spirit Squad member with that sweet leg drop where he kicks his legs from under him off the top. Why not cash in on that? I liked the Spirit Squad tho, unlike many others.

I don’t know what the deal is, why are all these quality wrestlers with potential being sent to the FE club like Armando Estrada for example. We get stuck with Ziggler, the most uncreative name and gimmick I’ve seen in my 20 plus years of watching wrestling.

I mean who thought up this shit and said “YES! THIS WILL PUT ASSES IN SEATS”. They need to join the FE club themselves.

Until next post…

Cheerio, Kut

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Chris Benoit, Cryme Tyme, Wrestling

7 comments

jagilki on December 14, 2008 at 1:23 am

Hi, I’m Dolph Ziggler, and my original gimmick was supposedly to be, by introducing myself, and holding out my hand crotch level, people were supposed to look at my massive wang.

Yes… that was really supposedly the original plan for him….
Sharky on December 14, 2008 at 4:27 am

It was actually Kenny Dykstra who did the sweet leg drop, he, ironically, is not a part of the future endeavors club.

Dolph Ziggler is Nicky (Nicki?) from the Spirit Squad, he did the spinning kick to the face.

Also, your list is missing one guy. The Tulip.

Just sayin’
T-Bizzle on December 14, 2008 at 1:35 pm

I’m pretty sure Kenny is gone. Too bad, he was the only spirit squad member with talent.

Hey even if Ziggler is stupid, he has that ONE awesome move in which he jumps from the floor to kick people in the head. 4 more moves and he’ll be just as good as Cena.
Kut on December 14, 2008 at 7:51 pm

I’m almost positive that was not Dykstra that did that sweet leg drop.

It looked like Zigger/Nicky.

But then they all looked alike at the time. Maybe I’m wrong.
Sharky on December 18, 2008 at 3:39 pm

You’d be incorrect sir, it was in fact Dykstra who did the leg-drop
jim''tex''evans on January 7, 2009 at 2:54 am

i have been trying to figure out who “chicken neck” is. i have come to two conclusions, #1 it is christopher daniels, look at the long neck, same as daniels, or #2 dean roll, aka shark boy,this site can e-mail me if they want to. could it have been shannon moore ?
jim''tex''evans on January 7, 2009 at 3:03 am

i like this website. how about some dumb masked names, like ninja cowabunga portrayed by chris champion,the japanese pool boy, say what ? the golden retriever, isn’t that a dog? one that always got me was “guy incognito” of course dummy your wearing a mask! hey no where to go and all day to get there.