Top 15 stupid pro wrestler names, JBL got knocked the f*ck out…by Joey f’n Stylez of all people, and other randomness in this episode!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas! We put our ghetto-ass Christmas tree up, cat won’t stop trying to conquer it and we haven’t even started shopping to put stuff under it yet, but still we honor Jesus’ bday the best we can. The world gets together to celebrate someone’s birthday and you’d think Jesus would get one f’n gift now and then.

I love my job. Well, on a platonic level at least. I feel bad each day, learning of more thousands of people getting laid off and we just got news that we’re getting a little extra bonus right before J-day. I nod and smile on a regular basis while my co-workers bitch and moan about this and that- all while I’m thanking my lucky stars that I got a job that pays this much with no degree in this economic disaster we’re in.Just thought I’d throw that in there while it’s on my mind. If you’ve recently gotten laid off, I hate hearing that. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Even you.

Moving on to the news.

JOEY STYLES 1, JBL 0

LOL!

JBL got his ass handed to him in a nice gift box according to a couple of sources during the WWE’s annual tour of Iraq to “sports” entertain the troops. By JOEY STYLES! Seems John Layfield Bradshaw is going to think twice before pushing himself on the boys in back from now on.

JBL had a nice rumored history of being the biggest bully backstage. I wish I could find the article dealing with an ex-WWE referee and JBL, the showers, some soapy lather and cowboy boots. I can’t remember the guy’s name. He either quit or was fired and released some candid comments about JBL’s lockeroom rep. I want to say it was Charles Robinson or Tim White but that’s because they are the only WWE refs I can name. If anyone remembers anything about this, comment and let me know.

This reminds me of a time when I was on the school bus going on a field trip and one guy kept tapping the guy in front of him, patting him on the head, just generally fucking with him until about an hour later, the tormeneted dude stood up, turned around and proceeded to beat the holy hell out of the guy for about 20 seconds. The tormentor, along with the rest of the bus all sat quietly the rest of the trip and it was never spoken of again. Remember when Raphly beat up Scut Farcus with the yellow eyes? Yes. It feels GOOD!

I don’t cheer for the little guy beating up the bully, generally. I WAS the bully in school for a while. I jeered when David beat Goliath for j’s sake. But sometimes it’s just plain cool to see stories like this. Maybe Vince will even respect it. According to the story, Bradshaw got a nice shiner to sport back to the US. Hopefully we’ll see this on RAW.

Linda O’mac tells us how she hooks kids on WWE

Linda McMahon appeared at the UBS Media Conference in New York City this afternoon to describe the company’s strategy of getting kids hooked on WWE at a young age. Of course, the new WWE Kids Magazine and WWEKids.com website were brought up.

Linda McMahon described it as a “from the cradle to the grave” strategy to build generational loyalty to the WWE brand.

Linda then pulled out a oddly long hypodermic needle and wrapped a rubber strap around her arm and injected herself, sitting back with a ephoric smile on her face. Lesson’s over, Linda said. Now get the fuck out!

Kamala gets doctorate?

- Former WWE star and legend Kamala “The Ugandan Giant” received an honorary doctorate yesterday from the University of Arkansas. Kamala will open the doors to his new medical practice after the holidays. I wouldn’t make an appointment, being Kamala has never attended the UofA or any university in his life and probably was lost when he got the award.

Hogan still has it!

Found these on advertisement for that CCW thing I never watch.

Has he EVER looked this good? He’s been keeping in shape.

Enough of the lame news this month…

I was watching RAW or Smackdown or Dharma and Greg reruns and started thinking about the recent stupid names Vince is coming up with. Even if Vince didn’t come up with them personally, it’s his fault as I’ve learned from Bret Hart over the years.

Top 15 stupid pro wrestling names

15. Rick “The Dragon” Steamboat.

Yeah, I know he’s your idol, your favorite, the wind beneath your wings but he also has a dumb name. It’s like part Japanese, part red-neck, part white boy. Apparently, Rick got his name from elder wrestler Sam Steamboat who was also completely wrong for the name Steamboat.

Well, at least it made a LITTLE sense for Sam Steamboat who’s real name is Sam Mokuahi. He was born in a time when steam powered vehicles were the major breakthrough in technology and power.

To top it off, Rick’s real name is Rick Blood. RICK F”N BLOOD! Imagine RICKY THE DRAGON BLOOD! Now that’s hard core. Rick’s also one of those cherished legends that never made it past the IC title in the WWF. In his defense, the IC title was worth much more back then.

14. Brutus “The barber” Beefcake

Obviously, another male stripper gimmick gone sour. Instead, Vince gives him a pair of garden shears and pretty wildly gay wrestling gear and a star was born. Most of his outfits consisted of “cut up” shreds stolen out of The Macho Man’s closet, I post-sume. Well, I can’t really PREsume something that old.

I vaguely remember his “strutting and cutting” routine, where he makes little scissors with his fingers and then shaves off his opponent’s hair. Times were so innocent then. Now we moved on to having a 400 pound man’s ass cheeks wrapped around someone’s face, then ended up with a huge black guy wearing make up regurgitating live worms into his victim’s mouth to entertain the fans.

Beefcake was pretty over with this barber thing until he gave a sailboat a flying face-butt in a training session gone horribly wrong. He took this gimmick and ran with it, making a comeback two years later as a masked, face-butting asshole who never had a match but ran in to matches and gave someone a swift face-butt and left.

13. The Gangstanators

The team consisted of New Jack, formerly of The Gangstas, and John Kronus, formerly of The Eliminators so what better way to make a stupid name then combine the two? Of course it’s a little better than the “Elimatstas”, but the name sounds like a covert group of vigilantes that destroy gang bangers.

New jack isn’t a bad name for a ghetto thug wrestler guy. But he should be on a list of some kind for being a bleeding piece of crap of a human being. He’s either the worst example of a person who calls themselves a “professional” or he’s way into his gimmick even outside of the ring. If the former is true, then he should be in jail for stabbing a guy in a match, attempted murder off scaffolds in a match, hitting an old man with a barbedwire bat during a match and other fun things over his career.

12. Evil Snack

Yeah, Jeff Bradley who is probably best known for being the leader of the Dudley family in ECW (If anyone watched it then) also did a gig on the indies as an evil, wrestling chef… a chef. No offense to my old pal Chef D.Z. Gillespie, but an EVIL wrestling chef? I mean what the fuck does that even mean? Does he piss in your souffle? Stab you with his steak knife? BORK BORK BORK! STAB!

11. Elix Skipper

The only tragedy here is that this is his real name. It had to be one hell of a time going through school with a name like that. …And that voice.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlhllRfXMJc

…That voice…

If you can make it past Bill Apter’s longest question in the world. What kind of an interview is this? More like a non-funny monologue.

10. The Fabulous Kangaroos

At one time, this must have been a cool name. Because this tag team name is a legacy, handed down to numerous partners over the years. Even Al Snow was a part of this legacy of the stupidest tag name of all time.

I’m going to make this list a part 1, because I’m way too tired to finish it tonight. Who knew actual research takes up time and energy?

Until the finale’

Cheerio,

Kut

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Bret Hart, Christmas, JBL, Kamala, Wrestling, WWE